Hi! We’re Sarah and Lindsey. We are a celibate, LGBT, Christian couple. We feel very blessed to have this queer calling, although it can be difficult at times to know exactly how to talk about our experiences as a couple. Celibate, LGBT couples are a rare bunch! If you’re curious to learn more about why we have chosen celibacy, we encourage you to read our “Why celibacy?” post.
Both of us have spent a lot of time, individually and together, reflecting on how celibacy can be a life-giving, life-affirming pathway to holiness. To try to help you understand where we are coming from, we have attempted to explain our understanding of celibacy in our “Defining celibacy” post. We understand that many people aren’t quite sure what to make of our situation upon their first encounter with our blog, so we have also addressed some common misunderstandings in our “7 Misconceptions about Celibacy” post. We are not pretending to have any answers, but we are reasonably aware of some of the questions that exist. We want this blog to be a place of positive conversation for all.
We started this blog in an effort to share our experiences as a couple. In no way do we think that this kind of partnership is ideal for all LGBT people or that other LGBT Christians should strive to be like us. We are not interested in engaging in theological debate on the questions, “Does God bless sexually active same-sex relationships?” and “Is same-sex sexual activity sinful?” Our blog is a place for reflection on the lived experiences of celibacy, being an LGBT Christian, spirituality, vocation, and other issues. You may have read elsewhere about the terms “Side A” and “Side B.” That’s not our lingo, that’s not our schtick, and you can find other places on the internet to engage in that great debate. To learn more about why we have chosen not to use this language, see our “How to Talk with Others about A Queer Calling” post.
We chose the title A Queer Calling for our blog because it communicates the reality that our way of life is unusual by most people’s standards. We use “queer” in the traditional sense of the word, meaning “strange” or “odd.” One might also argue that God calls all Christians to a manner of living that many perceive as strange or odd. Additionally, the word “queer” can be an umbrella term for everyone who is a minority in terms of sexual orientation, gender identity, or both. Because of this, we have encouraged other LGBT people to discern their own “queer callings,” whatever they may be. We have no interest in advocating for our specific way of life (celibate partnership) for all LGBT people. Also, we do not use the word “queer” in the activist sense.
If you have other questions, feel free to peruse our Frequently Asked Questions to see if we have addressed a particular issue in other places on our site. For a complete listing of our posts so far, visit our Index page.
So with that said, WELCOME! We value your readership. Feel free to make yourself at home and share your thoughts, perspectives, and questions. While all questions are welcome, we cannot promise that all questions will be answered. We value our privacy and encourage you to think, “Would you really like to ask your parents that question about their intimate life?” If the answer is NOT ON YOUR LIFE, then avoid looking like a jerk in the combox.
Comment Policy:Â Please remember that we, and all others commenting on this blog, are people. Practice kindness. Practice generosity. Practice asking questions. Practice showing love. Practice being human. If your comment is rude, it will be deleted. If you are constantly negative or bullish, you will not be able to comment anymore. We are the sole moderators of the combox.
Hi Sarah & Lindsey! So glad to have stumbled on your comment on RHE’s recent blog and to learn more about how you are navigating life in a really complex situation. Thank you for being willing to share your journey with all of us!
We’re glad you’ve found us! Life is reliably complex, and the complexities and nuances make life worth living (sometimes). Thanks for the comment. We hope to see you around these parts again.
You will! I am straight, married, Jesus lover, and raised very conservatively. But I am so over the “gay people can’t be at the Christian table” garbage. I am seeking to understand the viewpoints of my sisters and brothers and learn from them. While my theology might not change, I want to be a part of a cultural shift that rests on the fact that having a relationship with Christ is really the only qualifying factor to our faith. The other stuff we can have (respectful!) conversations about, challenge each others’ viewpoints, change or not. So again, thanks for putting yourselves out there so that your iron can sharpen mine.
That’s a great attitude to bring to these conversations. As far as LGBT Christian couples go, we tend to be on the more conservative end of the spectrum ourselves. We look forward to getting to know you better as we continue to share our stories here on this blog.
Hi Sara and Lindsey – a practical question here: a woman I love and I have recently separated due to these same convictions, and it has been excruciating, but what else can we do? We have wondered if total separation is necessary (we were sexually active and deeply loved each other), or if there is a future of sharing some of life through a “re-engineering” of our relationship. I imagine that you both cherish and delight in each other deeply, with a love sanctified through Christ. Did you form this bond already in celibacy, or after “falling in love”?
Hi Michelle, thank you so much for your comment and we can only imagine the pain of your recent separation. Neither one of us is quick to say there is a magic potion to concocting a meaningful celibate life. We do believe that God, in His mercy, allows love to mature in a way that pleases Him even if the journey is really hard. We’d encourage you to read the various posts already up on the blog to see if anything from our experience resonates with yours. We certainly do not pretend to have any answers, but we’re also committed to walking this journey with interested folks. Be on the lookout for our posts talking about why we chose celibacy and what we think celibacy is. Know that you are very much in our prayers.
Just wanted to say thank you. I stumbled upon your blog on day one and have been reading it everyday since.
You’re very welcome. We’re glad to have you among our readership! We look forward to hearing more from you in the future 🙂
So proud of you both and so happy my world will be opened up through reading your story! Thank you for your bravery! <3 J
Thank you for your kind comment. We look forward to hearing more from you as we explore different topics on the blog.
Super interesting!!! I’m glad I stumbled across this! Cheers!
Hi Nate! Glad to have you reading and commenting. We look forward to hearing more from you. Make yourself at home 🙂
I don’t want to be rude, but don’t you think it’s hypocritical to be gay when the Bible says you can’t be gay?
Hello Sylvia. The Bible does not say that a person cannot be gay. The Bible does contain verses that could be interpreted as commentary on the morality of same-sex sexual activity (which is not the same thing as *being* gay), and different Christian traditions interpret these parts of the scriptures in different ways. We would disagree with your assertion that the Bible says a person can’t be gay.
I can’t view any of the links…
Hi David, thanks for alerting us to the problem. We made some adjustments. Are the links working for you now?
thank you for your blog. Just discovered it and it is much needed perspective. You are doing it very winsomely, taking the Bible seriously and glad to have learned about this.
Hi Dan! Thanks for the encouragement. We’re glad to have you as a reader. We hope to hear more from you in the future 🙂
This is a really cool concept. I’d never heard of it before. I wish I had. It would have made things much better for my family when I was growing up if my moms were told they could be trying celibacy instead of breaking up our family. My moms didn’t know anything about Christianity until I was 10. They adopted me when I was 2 because my birth mom was a drug addict. Anyhow, my moms went to church for the first time when I was 10 and we all got saved on the same day. The pastor told us the only way to make God happy and the only way he would baptize us all was if my moms split up. They wanted to obey God so they did what the pastor said. My life changed in hard ways and I thought being a Christian was supposed to bring me happiness. I didn’t find God again until I grew up and found him on my own. I still talk to both my moms and I love them but now they are part of ex-gay ministries and they are unhappy. They haven’t seen each other in years but they pray for each other.
Dearest Anya, thank you so much for entrusting us with this story. When we read it, we wept. We have grieved, grieve, and will continue to grieve for every LGBT person who has been told something similar by the Church. We find it tragically ironic that the exact same Christian communities that constantly remind people of the pain of divorce would so readily encourage LGBT people to abandon any attempt to do life together. Please know that you will forever be in our prayers. If you wanted to contact us directly, we would love to be able to add the names of your moms (both adoptive and birth) to our prayer list. We wish so deeply we could sit with you, pray with you, grieve with you, and comfort you. From the deepest place in our hearts, thank you so much for sharing your story. -Lindsey and Sarah
I just sent you an email. Thank you for praying. I hope my moms can be happy someday. I am going to introduce one of them to my new pastor that helped me rededicate my life to Jesus.
Help! For some reason I am no longer receiving your blog and I don’t find where to sign up again….
Hi Kathy, thanks for letting us know about the problem. Were you using email, RSS, or something else to follow the blog?
I was using email.
Hi Kathy. You can re-follow via email by entering your address into the box in the right side bar on the home page. Please let us know if you’re still having trouble after reentering your email address.
I feel so stupid, but I can’t find a sidebar about signing up for email. I see how to follow on FB and twitter, but not where to add my email to follow. Pls excuse my non-computer brain. I usually don’t have a problem with this.
Hi Kathy. It’s in the right sidebar immediately under the welcome message and above the categories list.
Sarah and Lindsey,
I am fascinated by your choice and your journey. I am a Christian woman, married with 3 children (basically all adults, as the youngest is 17). I know what the Bible says, and I’ve often thought that there was more to this discussion than just “you’re born that way and it’s fine the way it is” and “it’s wrong and you should change”. I love that you have looked for what would be pleasing to God while still being true to who you are. I don’t know where I fall in the whole “right or wrong” argument, but I know I’m interested to learn. Thank you for being brave and putting yourselves out there. God bless.
Hi Audra. Thanks for commenting today. We hope to see you around here again. Glad our story is meaningful to you. Have a blessed day. 🙂
Hi Sarah and Lindsey! I wanted to thank y’all so much for sharing your journey. It has been such an encouragement to me since I found your website a few weeks ago. I had a random question, which y’all totally don’t have to answer. I was wondering how you introduce one another? Like, you run into a friend at a supermarket and say this is “Sarah/Lindsey, my…?” Thanks for your time, bravery, and honesty and I wish you all the best!
Hi Quinn, thanks for your comment here. Our introductions change a bit by environment. We’re generally most comfortable addressing ourselves as Lindsey and Sarah. We also talk about each other as partners. We frequently view our life together with a sense of team spirit, so we’ll occasionally refer to ourselves as a team or family when we’re speaking about us together.
Sarah and Lindsey!
Finding your blog has literally felt like a Godsend. God has just been teaching me how this kind of relationship can work in the past few months, and I’ve been writing about it on my own blog. But honestly, I can’t even begin to describe how cool it feels to have discovered you guys as two people who are actually living what I’ve been praying and dreaming about.
There are honestly no words. Thank you so much for putting yourselves out there and being willing to share everything that’s been going on with you guys. Ah. No words.
We’re glad that you found us! May God continue to guide your steps.
Hello Sarah and Lindsey, it is refreshing to hear celibate LGBT individuals who are doing their best to live their lives for Christ. I wanted to alert you to a testimony I heard in Los Angeles by a pastor’s son who is also on the same path you are. He wrote a book about his journey and it is heartbreaking yet it’s amazing what God did in his life. If you wish to check out the book, here is the link:
http://www.amazon.com/author/georgecarneal
It is his goal to help other LGBT individuals know they can get out of that life and he is happy to be celibate and is at peace with his life. If anyone wishes to reach him, he lists an email address in the book: george.carneal@aol.com
We need a network where all celibate LGBT individuals can feel safe and support each other without being attacked by Christians, the LGBT activists, and Side A gay Christians.
If anyone out there knows of other organizations or links where I can also try and build a community of support, PLEASE let me know. Thank you all…. Lisa
Thank you for creating this blog! I am a young woman hoping to enter into a committed, celibate partnership in the future. Your testimony is very inspiring. God Bless!